pageant life...

friend erin was in a pageant for mr. and ms. clark college (her comm. college)... it wasn't necessarily a beauty pageant... it was the first year that they decided to do the pageant - and the winners of the competition, a.k.a. mr. and ms. clark college would be the king and queen of the prom which is to take place tonight... yes... prom in college...

i decided to go and support friend erin... she tells me what she's doing for the talent portion of the competition... she's rapping ice ice baby while her friend charlotte (who's also in the competition) dances around in the penguin mascot costume - which is her talent for the competition... there's something you should know about erin before i go any further... erin is not what i would think of when i think of typical pageant contestants... she's a tall, loud red-haired girl... she is one of the coolest people i know - for sure... she's so fun... and hilarious... but when it comes to prim and proper type girl-ness... that's not erin... which she loves... she was standing with other contestants and she wanted someone to yell out... "get the fat girl a cheeseburger" - not that she's fat - she's just not anorexic tiny beauty pageant girl...

so i go to the competition - she told me the doors open at 6:30 - but i got it in my head that it started at 6:30 - so i get there about 6:30 and her parents and grandma and grandma's boyfriend are all there... and that's about it... so we waited and waited - and close to 7, there still weren't a lot of people there - it ended up being maybe 50 people... but the competition started... they all came out and introduced themselves and then they started with the talent portion...

first, let me say a bit about vanna... that's not her real name - but she was the emcee, stagehand, and vote-counter, i think... she changed clothes 3 times during the show and each dress was a little too tight and two had slits in them that i was embarrassed about - no need to even think of what my grandmother would have thought!!! she opened the show talking about how it was her idea to have the pageant... but we really couldn't hear her over the loud music that was playing... so eventually...

guy #1 comes out - denis mikhailenko - he's wearing a t-shirt, sweatpants and holding a toy light saber... (is that how you spell it) - anyway - he talks about the force and what light sabers are for - and then he says he will demonstrate his light saber skills... and has one of the other contestants come out and throw stuff at him that he hits (like a baseball with a bat) to show his defense skills with the light saber... yes... he is talented...

girl #1 - caylee rushing... she dances around in true britney form while lip-syncing to a song... i didn't know lip-syncing was a career, but evidently i don't know much... so she goes through her routine, bouncing around, flipping her hair... jamming out to the song... and then she exits...

guy #2 - micah west... he comes out looking like a shepherd from an upscale christmas play... with the head covering and all... he does a "dramatic" reading about the life of noah... and he has different voices for noah, God, and noah's neighbors... which all sound about the same... and the message of it was pretty good... but only because i know the story, i think... it didn't really make a whole lot of sense outside of knowing the context of the story... i'll chalk it up to nerves... and maybe a little bit of unpreparedness... but it was kind of weird and went on for too long...

at this point, i'm thinking maybe erin and charlotte have a chance...

guy #3 - aaron reuter - he comes out and starts doing a dance which is actually pretty decent... when he first came out to introduce himself (first round), he was wearing a straw hat and jeans and a t-shirt carrying a 4-foot trophy... so i was a little skeptical... after his first dance routine, he did a martial arts (i guess) demonstration... it was not bad either... but the whole thing was kind of weird...

then it's erin and charlotte's turn... charlotte comes out on stage, in full penguin costume... sets down the boom box... the music starts and erin walks in from the back... and it was awesome... she rapped every word to ice, ice baby... everyone in the audience was getting into it... it was fun... and charlotte was hilarious, too... and they fed off of each other, which helped... it was very entertaining... i was proud of erin... her grandmother even liked it - she was very skeptical going into it... but it was great... definitely the most entertaining so far...

guy #4 - aaron paul mcpherson - at this point my cell phone rings and i leave to go answer it... so the rest is what i heard mixed with what i was watching through the windows while i talked on the phone... he gets up and i hear him say he's going to read a poem... i don't know how the poem was - but he was dressed in all black, complete with a beret...

girl #4 - teal griffey - i turn around and there are 3 people on stage with her - they're all wearing weird outfits... well, it turns out, she designed (?) and made costumes for a play - 35 in all - and these were some of the costumes... she went into detail about how she made them... and all that jazz... i know sewing and fashion design are talents... but it seemed weird...

guy #5 - brandon stewart - he gets out his clarinet and plays... and that seems cool and normal... but evidently he must have said something weird or done something - because when i asked about it, the people at my table said, "yeah, he played well, but he's weird..."

girl #5 - jill southard - she does a dance - for real dancing - like she's taken dance lessons... with the smile plastered on - this girl is a pageant girl, no doubt...

girl #6 - LaQuinta White - they bring in a couch, set it on stage - she sits on it, reads a poem - and then her mom (?) and another lady come walking through - i'm not sure if she was talking to them or what was going on - but i heard it was weird... it looked weird from the window...

so that wraps up the talent portion of the night...

it just got worse... after the talent portion, they had a "10 minute intermission" that lasted about 20 minutes while vanna counted the votes... she came back and asked girl #1, boy #'s 1, 3 and girl #6 to step forward... and then she said, "thank you for partcipating." then she told the 6 contestants to stay on stage... it was weird - like no one knew what to do and who actually moved to the next round... so she listed off the names - and she hadn't said erin's name in either group... so erin looked at her and said... "no... not you..." - so charlotte was still in - and then after another 20 minutes, the girls came out in their formal wear and answered a question... either a question about a smoking policy or the student union... then the guys came out and did the same thing...

then vanna announces another 15 minute intermission - which lasted more than 30 minutes... and she called them back on stage... she announced the congeniality awards - charlotte and clarinet boy... and then announced erin as the photogenic award... which is funny - i think she won because all of her friends/family were there and put her name in... as soon as vanna announced it, erin busted out in laughter...

then vanna goes behind them and puts a sash on clarinet boy as well as a crown - one of those crazy velvet crowns with a cross on top of it... yeah - weird... and the sash has stuck on lettering that says "mr. clark college" - but it's the kind of lettering that is black squares with gold letters on them... very ghetto!!

then she goes behind the girls and does the same thing (with costume girl)... with the sash and a huge tiara - i was thinking, a small, elegant one would be nice... but the thing was huge... but whatever - there they were - mr. and ms. clark college - king and queen of the prom... their college prom...

i wish that i could do justice in writing what i saw... i can't... but i knew i had to write something or else my time would have been wasted... it was the most bizarre experience i've ever had at a pageant - or most other "performances." - weird...